remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
