So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
