we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Randomize
