If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
