I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
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