like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
