I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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