You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
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