i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
We talked him into tasing himself.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
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