i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
