I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I think my moral compass just broke
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
