I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
