The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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