I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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