hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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