What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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