I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
