He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
