I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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