Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm too high and old for this...
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
