Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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