separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
