Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
