so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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