Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
