my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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