Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
