sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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