no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
