I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
