it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
