I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
This beer is not sobering me up at all
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
