I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
