Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
As shirtless as possible
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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