just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
