His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize