In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Green mimosas i think yes
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
