I'll bet she douches with gravy.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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