Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
We're too hungover to prance.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
