Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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