I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
