WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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