i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
