my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
don't judge my taste in strippers
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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