they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
