I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
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