Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
