ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
