So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
