glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
