i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
