I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
