You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
