i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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